804 Spell St.

I have been out of touch for the past six months or so. I was in Monroe, La. in a spiritual ICU of sorts, called Mercy Ministries. God took me through a journey of hurt, severe pain, loneliness, loss, reconciliation, and finally on to the path of forgiveness and overcoming. Forgiveness and overcoming will be a road that I will continue on until the Lover of my soul will return for His bride.

It was never easy, but nothing life changing is. God completely rocked me down the the core, down to the foundation of my very being. I questioned who I was and who I was becoming. During my stay I faced giants of my past that I thought where buried. However, now, like David, I can say that I faced the giant, I killed him, and then I cut off his head...as to say that my giant(s) will never again be a stronghold over me.

Has it been hard since I have been home? I wish I could say no, but I can not. Why wouldn't it be hard though? Why would the enemy make it easy for me after facing and overcoming my biggest demons? I feel like I have fallen flat on my face since being home---but what do you do? You 1 John 1:9 it, and you get back up again. Brush your shoulders off and keep going. Stay in the word, and in worship. I am finally getting my joy back, and remembering that loving life is what it is about. God called us to love others. How can you love them when you are alone? (Some of you will get that.)

I can not express to you the gratitude I feel in my heart toward those friends that reached out to me during my time at Mercy. When I felt alone, it was your letters and (let us not forget) your phone calls to me that got me through the days. I appreciate you hanging in there and continuing to call when you kept getting "she is on the other line, call back in 9 minutes, or she is not taking phone calls today". Knowing that you were here to support me and were waiting for me to come back home was the extra push I needed to continue on.

I can not believe all the amazing people that I met while at Mercy, including the staff. You guys were the hands and feet of our Father. You reached out and were the arms of a loving God that surrounded me in comfort and love when I felt the most unaccepted. You showed me that I was one of His princesses. I will never forget the laughs we had, the never-ending prayers that you sent up to God on my behalf, or just the knowing smiles that we shared in passing. You guys helped change my life.

For my Mercy sisters...
Thank you for walking along side of me through my journey at Mercy Ministries. You encouraged me, you stood with me in prayer, you saw the tears fall, and the frustration explode. You never let me down, and most of all, you never let me stay down. The little notes that I would find in my notebook simply saying, "I love you and you're in my thoughts and prayers today", always made me smile, and still do when I come across them. You ladies are some of God's most magnificent creations. Of all the ones, He chose you! You were the ones called out and set apart. Yes, horrible things have happened to you. Unspeakable secrets you have had to carry your whole life, and painful hurts from the past have tried to destroy you...However, YOU are an overcomer! YOU are a BEAUTIFUL woman after God's own heart. He has set you free so you can, in turn, free others through Him. They are waiting. Be the woman that God has called you to be in the lives of those around you and you will change the world, one life at a time.

If anyone reading this has any further questions about Mercy Ministries or my stay there, please feel free to contact me. I would love to share with you any information I have on the place that God used to change my life.

Corrected Address

Hello Everyone!

This is a guest post from Alisha's friend, Gwen. After getting a note returned in the mail that I sent to Alisha last week, and after talking to her today (Saturday, April 18), we determined that the info she sent out before she left had transposed numbers. So, here's the correct address to send her mail.

Mercy Ministries

c/o Alisha Denham

P.O. Box 3028

Monroe, LA 71210

For packages, use the physical address:

Mercy Ministries

c/o Alisha Denham

804 Spell Street

West Monroe, LA 71292

She sounds great...she's learning much, and please keep her in your prayers!!

If not for Mercy...

For those of you who know me, and know me well...you know my struggles and triumphs. You have been with me through the ups and downs of this roller coaster ride I call my life. You have seen who I really am and you have loved me regardless. Thank you for that, I will never forget those of you who have helped me along the way. I can only strive to repay the boundless love that I have felt from you.

This Thursday I will began a new chapter in my life, working with Mercy Ministries for the next six months. I will be there to continue on my journey of healing, learning, spiritual growth, and hopefully helping others who need a shoulder to lean on. Please pray for me when you think about me. Pray that God will keep His hand on me, and those that I will potentially help along the way. Pray for peace and guidance, and finally pray for a new understanding in who I am in Him. I am searching for a new breath of this great love that God has for each of it, and I am determined to share it with a world that is hurting and in need of Him.

Again, thank you for all of your love and support. I will keep you in my heart, and in my prayers.

I love you.

This is the mailing address that you can contact me at while I am at Mercy Ministries. Please feel free to write me when you get a chance, and pray for me when you think about it. I will be looking forward to hearing from you! I will also write back and keep you posted on progress and how God is moving in my life while I am there! Also, you can call the number below on Saturdays from 12PM-8PM (central time) and ask for me. I can place calls on Sundays, however, I will be using a calling card, so it would be easier for you to call me. Feel free to. I will miss you, and can't wait to hear from you!

Trusting in Him,
Alisha

Mercy Ministries
c/o Alisha Denham
PO Box 2038
Monroe, LA 71210

Phone #: 318-388-2040

Not for the faint of heart!

For those of you who have the honor of knowing me well, you know that I LOVE tattoos and piercings! I recently got a new tattoo of a puzzle piece which is also a lock with a key sticking out of it. I got it for my own personal struggles and the mystery of the journey that is ahead of me. All of my tattoos have special meanings and purposes to me. However, my piercing are a different story. I mostly get them because I love the process of piercings. As it stands I currently have thirteen piercings...now, I know that that sounds like a lot, but come on...in today's world, not really. LOL!

I am blogging today to tell you about my most recent trip to the tattoo studio to get my most newest piercings, my dimples. I went to the piercer with what I thought was a firm grasp on what I wanted to do. Simple, make the dots on my face with a marker, stick the needle through, pull the taper behind, put the jewelry in, and BAM! New studs in my cheeks! EASY AS 1...2...3...!

WRONG!

When I told the piercer what I wanted he proceeded to tell me every reason why I should not pursue these piercings. He said that they would be the most controversial piercings that I would ever have (and boy, was he right, you should see the looks I get...it's awesome). He said that it would take at least 4 months for them to heal and it would be a long process. He said that there would also be a possibility of hitting a saliva duct in my mouth and cause the piercing to stay wet. He went on, and on, and on, about the process of piercing them and what could happen if I wasn't careful with them in the healing process! I mean come on dude, do you want to make some money today or not?!

Finally, after all the do's and don't's he finally pulled out the goods and began the process of the piercings. He marked my dimples with a sharpie, measured the inside of my cheeks, the outside of my cheeks, from my ear to my dimples and so on, and so on. This process went on for 20 mins. I swear he was OCD! Then I laid down, he counted to three and boom.... the needle was in. Then, the taper, then the jewelry through the taper and finally, right side done! I thought "that wasn't so bad". I've had worse. The process continued on my left side and then I was laying down again. 1...2...3...and much slower this time, the needle was in. Then, the taper. I'm not sure why but he was moving much slower this time...and I began to feel something wet and warm dripping down my cheek...it was blood! Awesome right, NOT! I was like, "Ummmmm, could you....like, help me out here?!" Finally, the jewelry was in and the bleeding stopped.

I asked him why he was taking longer, and he said that he wanted it to perfectly match the right side. So, in the end, the final product was two perfectly matching piercings in my dimples. His OCD paid off! On a scale of 1 to 10, the pain level was about a 4, and only because of the blood dripping down my check. If you ask me though, that was a small price to pay for my uniqueness. Oh, and it was not until after everything was over that he told me that he had to go through an inch of skin to get the jewelry in! GROSS!

The little one that goes....!

My family has had the opportunity over the last few days to serve as a transitional home for there new foster child. He is currently awaiting a new "forever family" and my mom and dad get to spend time with him in between! He is an amazing child. Although, even on my best of days I couldn't compare with his energy level! He is non-stop 24/7, go....go....go....go....go! And talks until your ears bleed! However, he is also one on the most intelligent little boys that I have ever met! He truly is a joy to have as part of the family, even if only for a little while.

"Thank you God for using my family as a safe place for these children!"

Redemption...

Silence echoes through the darkness. It screams the truth, the truth that words can not express.

It whispers to me softly...I'm broken down again.

I pray to dream again but all I can think is that I want something else to get me through this life.

Time will heal this heart.

And today...I will push through this moment. Freedom is just out of reach, but I will hold on. I will cling to my rock of safety and reach out with the other hand to the unknown.

Can I trust what I can not see?

Letting go with both hands prove to much, but I know that from wounded hands raised high, redemption will fall.

Make me clean again.





*I have had a rough few days, and this was just something that I scribbled down on a piece of paper today.*

Yeah...I'm bad!

So, last Saturday and Sunday was exciting, lots of fun, and stressful all at the same time! My mom, dad, and I all took a rider-skill training course to get our motorcycle endorsement for our motorcycle licences. Until Saturday I had only been on one motorcycle and that was last September when I rode with my uncle in Texas. I was super excited to take the class but scared to death that I was going to drop the bike or something. The motorcycle that the class provided me with to learn on was a small Honda Rebel 250 (basically a step up from a dirt bike), if you were to actually ride this bike on the rode you would probably get ran over! Below is a picture of the bike I learned how to drive last weekend.

Being as tall as I am my knees were up to my chest! But hey, it was a motorcycle! It capped out at 80ish, so try that on the interstate!

We spent the first part of Saturday morning in the class room learning about all the switches, gauges, and proper riding attire. It was good to know before getting on the bikes, but I was anxious to ride! After lunch, I got my chance! When we first sat down on the bikes to start them up for the first time I was excited but also scared to death! I have a healthy respect for motorcycles and didn't want to be the first one to make a fool out of myself by dropping (even though it was small it still weighed about 400lbs) it or running into someone. They talked us through turning it on all the way to actually riding it across the parking lot within an hour. I was amazed, and proud! We rode for about four hours preforming exercises and maneuvers. Around 4:30 we were done for the day, and boy was I grateful! My butt was getting sore from four hours of riding.

Sunday was even more stressful than the day before! Not only did we have to remember everything from the previous day, but we also had to take a written test and a driving test! For those of you that know me, you know how well I usually do on test! Again we spent the first part of the morning in the class room and taking the written exam, which by the way I passed with flying colors. By 10:30 am we were back on the bikes for a few hours of exercises and riding before lunch. By lunch time I was a nervous wreck---knowing that my performance exam was looming over head.

After we returned from lunch we spent the next four hours riding on the bikes, learning how to roll, press, look, and turn, avoiding objects in the road, running over boards, swerving in and out of cones, learning how to slam on the breaks to avoid an object (without flipping over the handlebars), and keeping our head up (which is imperative to riding a motorcycle). By 4:30 or so it was test time...dum, dum, dum! There were 12 people in my class and believe it or not I was the last one in line to take my exam! It gave me time to watch everyone else go through there test, but it also allowed for me to let my nerves get the best of me. The test consisted of various maneuvers that we had preformed through out the last two days. Most of them were easy, but some....a little more tricky. I watched as one by one everyone aced there test, including my mom and dad. Side note: EVERYONE cheered for my mom after every passed exercise, it was great! All I could think of was..."If my mom passes and I fail, I am never going to live it down". After about 20 grueling minutes of watching everyone else go through the exercises I was on my way through each obstacle (with everyone--who had passed---watching). One-by-one I achieved every part of the test placed in front of me and I was standing with the victors!

EVERYONE in my class passed! That should tell you something about the instructors! By the end of day two (keeping in mind that I had never driven a motorcycle) I was riding without even thinking about what I was doing! Below is a picture of my endorsement.

Now all I have to do is go to the drivers licences office, give it to them, and BAM! I can legally drive a motorcycle on the road. Not saying that I would without a little more practice but I am well on my way to being a motorcycle owning, riding, mama! Look out guys, here I come! For all of you that want to ride, check out this website: http://www.bikertraining.net/. I can't imagine any better teachers! I look forward to seeing you out there!

A letter from Ella

Hey, here is a sweet little note that I found from Ella today. Thought I would share with you.

Dear Mommy,

I really enjoyed our time together at the dog park last week. I can’t believe that we finally had the chance to go! Can we pleeeeeease go again soon?!?!?!? I had so much fun running and playing with you and all the other dogs that I met. I made a lot of new friends! I think my sister Sophie even had a great time in the little dog pen. Oh, and sooooo many cuddles. I don’t think I have ever gotten so much attention! So many people told me that I am beautiful! I know you tell me all the time, but it is nice to hear it from someone else too. I ran, and ran, and ran! I probably made ten laps around the park, but then I had to stop for some water and lay down (because I am just a little chubby). Anyway, this is just my thank you letter for taking me out! Oh, and here is a picture of me at the park! Hope you like it! I love you so much, thanks for all the snuggles and pets.

Love always,

Your pup Ella

A letter to me...

This is my letter to myself. I wish I had it when I was 15.

Don’t worry so much. I know that it is hard right now, but life now is not how it is going to be forever. Your family is more important than your friends, and they will love you regardless. High school is important, soak it up---you will need it later for college. Learn to love yourself; it will set the pace for your self-worth for the rest of your life. All the bad things that have happened to you will only prove how strong you are in the future. Life is not all about partying; learn to spend time with you. It is okay to be alone. You are going to meet some amazing people in the future, people that will change your life immensely. Your best friend is waiting on you. You will meet her in three years. Your high school teacher is more than just your teacher, she is your friend. Learn to play your own music; it will come in handy for those nights that you feel alone. Spend time learning who God is and who you are in him. Your Dad is going to be fine. He will get a kidney transplant in three years, and will live a long healthy life. Your mom is going to pull through the brain surgery with ease. She will be fine. Learn to be a friend to your brother, he will need you. Your sister is a beautiful person, get to know her. Just wait until your sister’s kids get a little older, they will be a blast! Never stop moving your pen; it will save your life. You can make it in this life. Never give up on yourself. It is not important to have the best things in life, but it is important to love unconditionally. The guys that you are dating now are not the one, don’t waste your time. When you give a piece of your heart away, that is less to offer your future partner. Put your heart into everything you do. Softball is fun, but you won’t be the best forever. Prepare yourself to see the world; there is something out there that you need to be a part of. Your mom and dad will always be your biggest fans. Just wait, you mom will also be one of your best friends. You are going to be a social worker, and change lives. God has great plans for your life, and you will realize it in time. Don’t lose sleep over things that you cannot change. You don’t have to hurt yourself when you feel overwhelmed, take it to God first. Believe it or not, you are going to graduate from college—the first in your family. You will make it through this life, and you will be successful. God has His hand on you, and your heart is big enough to love big. Take advantage of that quality. Shine while you have the chance to shine. You are compassionate, sometimes too much so. Don’t let people use you. Always be willing to be a friend to anyone who needs one. You never know who may need you. Your story is important, learn to share it. Love yourself as much as you love others. Life is a rollercoaster ride, take advantage everything it has to offer.

Always,

Me

A sick day with Levi.

A few days ago my sister called me (around 6:30 a.m., who the heck is up at that hour?) to ask if I would hang out with Levi (my 8 year old nephew) because she had to work and he was sick. Feeling sorry for him and not wanting him to have to ride in the car with his mom all day I answered her by saying, "Sure, no problem! He will probably be out all day anyways".

Now one thing that you must know about Levi is that he is one of a kind. He is lovable, smart, witty, and so cute that anyone would give in to him. However, he is also hyper, acts like a crazy kid, likes to take his time doing everything, and is all questions 24/7. The mix of these things makes for a wonderfully special (like I said) one of a kind kid.

So, my sister brought him over early--with a puke bucket and some medicine. He acted kinda unusual for about half an hour, but by 8:00ish he was full force Levi. Chasing the cats, sneaking up on the dog, and zoned in on cartoon network. I slept on the couch hoping that he wouldn't try to up-chuck on my floor.

By about 11:00 p.m. he was hungry, and stated that he NEEDED sonic. Now, he had been fine up until this point, but I was skeptical about him eating a hamburger. But like I said, he is so cute that anyone would give in to him. So, I caved and took him to sonic. We got ready, grabbed the puke bucket and made our way to sonic. In the car he danced around in the seat, demanded that the music be turned up louder, and sang at the top of his lungs the songs he knew. Once we arrived at Sonic I asked, "Levi, what would you like", and expected a simple answer.

Levi: A hamburger with nothing on it but ketchup, and a cherry slush.

Eashie (that is what he calls me): Ha, no way on the cherry slush. I don't want projectile cherry slush all over my car. How about sprite?

Levi: But look at me, I am feeling all better! Besides cherries are a fruit, they are good for you.

Eashie: What? (I laugh to myself) I said sprite, or nothing.

Levi: FINE! But how is sprite gonna help me grow?

Eashie: Excuse me, Can I have a ham....

Levi: WAIT!!!!!! I changed my mind. I want a medium popcorn chicken.

Eashie: Ugh! Okay, can I have a med....

Levi: Oh, WAIT!!!!!! I think I want a....

Eashie: A medium popcorn chicken and a sprite, please! Sorry, buddy, it's already ordered.

Levi: Ummm....UGH! Okay.

Finally, we leave sonic and he chows down on his chicken. Once we get back home he is back to his chasing the animals and bouncing off the walls. Which he continued right up until the moment that his mom came to pick him up. It was amazing! Even with all the bouncing, chasing, harassing, and freaking out he did he was able to keep down that popcorn chicken without a problem. When he left I said, "Back to school tomorrow". He just smile and trotted out the door. I think maybe I was duped.

The above picture is our attempt at taking a serious picture.

To my second family...!

So, I have known my best friend for almost eight years. She has been a constant companion to me through the ups and downs, the good times and the bad times. We have shared a beautiful friendship thus far and I hope to keep her by my side for the rest of my time spent on this side of heaven.

This weekend we decided to make a quick trip to South Carolina to visit her family. On the way up, while driving through Atlanta we pick up (our) her big sister Sara. We had an awesome drive and got to spend a little much needed sister time in the car before arriving in Sumter.

When we arrived we were met with the usual Langer love that overflows so easily from this family. This is only one of the great qualities found in this home. Every time I come to South Carolina I find myself enjoying the trip more and more. I feel like I have found a second home here, a second family with the Langers. They have so generously opened their hearts and home up to me time and time again. I am not sure that I will ever be able to give the amount of love back to them that they have so effortlessly shown me. But I am sure that I will spend the rest of my life trying.

So here is to loving hearts and open homes...Thank you (second family) Langers for giving so much of yourselves to me. And Mr. Dad (I mean Dave), you are amazing. What a man of honor and faith. I strive to have your wisdom and compassion. I love you guys!

"I am"

So lately I have been struggling with “who I am” as a person…who I am on the day to day. I sat down and considered it for a while and these are some of the thoughts that I came up with. Enjoy.

I am a great friend.

I am a loving daughter.

I am a caring sister.

I am an overly interested aunt.

I am a child of the most high king.

I am proud of where I came from (for those of you who don’t know, that would be called the boondocks).

I am a great listener.

I am a strong woman.

I am a fairly good musician.

I am a Social Worker.

I am an extremely compassionate person (sometimes this gets me into trouble).

I am complex.

I am lonely sometimes.

I am striving to learn more about who I am in Christ.

I am in love with tattoos and piercings (no worries mom, maybe it’s just a phase).

I am so grateful for all of my friends.

I love being close to my family.

I am capable of filling my heart to the max with love for my closest friends and family.

I am willing to do anything I can to help anyone.

I am working daily on being ready to be on the mission field.

I am a home owner.

I am certain that my concern for others sometimes causes me to go into overload.

I am positive that my best friend has saved my life.

I am so grateful for the Langer family in general.

I am confident in who I am becoming.

I am learning that sitting down to read a book can be fun.

I am thankful to God for my second chance at life.

I am in love with the idea of being in love.

I am waiting anxiously for the day to come that I hold my future children in my arms.

I am proud of the children in the systems that make it out alive on the other side.

I am really happy with where my life is headed for once.

I am dependable.

I am loyal.

I am a college graduate!

I am still close to my old teacher from high school.

I am aware that one constant in my life has been my parents love for me.

I am unconditionally devoted to my friends.

I am sure that God has been my steady place to fall my whole life.

I am not good at saving money.

I am a good girlfriend, and will make a great wife someday.

I am looking forward to what will come in my life over the next year.

I am pretty good at reading people.

I am learning not to be judgmental (judge not, least ye be judged).

I am dying to buy a motorcycle.

I am confident that I have a great smile.

I am optimistic that life will only get better for me.

I am encouraged by the amount of young people in my church that love God.

I am absolutely sure that God created starbucks for my sheer pleasure alone.

I am funny.

I am happy with my red hair (although, I wish it were longer).

I am in love with my new church.

I am confident that I was one of the best softball players around in my day.

I am learning to be more giving.

I am damaged, but not broken.

I am more than a survivor, I am an overcomer.

Forgiveness is the key...

"What has happened to you is a small thing compared to what God will do through you."

For me, this life has been an on-going process of learning how to depend on God rather than myself to get me through the dark hours. I constantly have to remind myself that I am not alone in this journey and that there is a greater purpose behind the pain and hurt that I have walked through. I think that it may be human nature (or maybe my nature) to want to be strong and just get through without the aid of outside help. But you know, some days you have to just get over yourself and reach out. I found myself in such a day last week. I was frustrated all day and struggling to find peace in anything. A few weeks before I received a book, a small fifty page book, called Making Peace with your past, with yourself, and with others. I had tossed it to the side and thought “Hmmm, maybe someday I will need this”. Well, the day had come and I thought for sure, I would find my band-aid of peace in this little book. I thought it would be a soft place to fall in my pity party. Surly, it would make me feel validated in my frustrations and give me a little pick-me-up for the day. So, a little smug that I had found my way out of my irritations without going to God or calling a close friend, I sat down to read.

The first thing that I read was the above statement, "What has happened to you is a small thing compared to what God will do through you". I almost stopped right there, this was doing nothing for my self-loathing. However, I decided to continue, and as I read on I begin to realize a trend on mostly every page…the word “forgiveness”. It was everywhere. This book was suggesting that in order to find peace, you must first forgive. Now, this was not a new concept for me, but it has been something that I have struggled to wrap my mind around. I can move past problems, and usually even face them head on but to imply that freedom is in forgiveness…blah! I don’t want to hear it. Despite rethinking my approach on getting through the day I continued to read. Then, I don’t know what changed but suddenly I found myself hurrying to get to the next page. It started making sense somehow and this little book set in motion a wave of relief and….peace that flooded over me. Forgiveness was the key (it wasn’t something that I really wanted to hear, but hey, it was working). Forgiving others that had hurt me, forgiving friends and family that I felt had let me down, and (dare I say it) forgiving myself for past hurts---the things that I could not help, and the things that I could have. I found myself subconsciously talking to God about this new realization (something that I said I was not going to do…I was going to make it through this pity party all by myself). He began to show me so many places in my heart and life where I needed forgiveness and more importantly, where I needed to forgive. This was so real to me, and it made complete sense. Don’t get me wrong, I have a LONG road ahead before I master this concept, and an even longer road before me in my Christian walk! But, just realizing that forgiveness really does play such a big role in our day to day growth as people and who we are as Christians! Why didn’t I start this process years ago?! So, here I am, beginning my voyage of forgiveness, my journey to healing. Will you join me? Forgiveness is necessary for being whole, and it is living beyond survival. Let’s do this together!

All the cool kids have one...

So, after half of my family jumped on to the blog bandwagon I decided that I would join in. I mean, all the cool kids have one, right?! I always enjoy reading blogs posted by my friends and family...so, it stands to reason that they would enjoy reading mine (in theory anyway) as well. Besides, it gives me something to do at work--other than work--just kidding mom (sort of).

So, the first thing that I want to share is the reason behind the name of my blog--Consider the Lilies. It is a two-fold reason. First, I love lilies. They are one of the most beautiful flowers that I have ever come across, so unique. But even more exquisite than their beauty is the meaning behind the lily. They are a calling to love. The lily literally means, "I dare you to love me". That is how I feel when approaching a new friendship or relationship. I dare you to give me a chance in your life. I know I can, for sure, make it a better place. Secondly, I chose the name consider the lilies because I want to remind you (and myself) to slow down long enough to think about (consider) life around you. See the things that you might not otherwise notice. Some days it is only the small things that may get you through the day. I have learned that sometimes blessing are subtle.

So, here I am. Beginning my journey of blogging day to day. Simple thoughts and profound epiphanies alike. I hope you enjoy my thoughts on life. Please feel free to share yours with me as well!