Redemption...

Silence echoes through the darkness. It screams the truth, the truth that words can not express.

It whispers to me softly...I'm broken down again.

I pray to dream again but all I can think is that I want something else to get me through this life.

Time will heal this heart.

And today...I will push through this moment. Freedom is just out of reach, but I will hold on. I will cling to my rock of safety and reach out with the other hand to the unknown.

Can I trust what I can not see?

Letting go with both hands prove to much, but I know that from wounded hands raised high, redemption will fall.

Make me clean again.





*I have had a rough few days, and this was just something that I scribbled down on a piece of paper today.*

Yeah...I'm bad!

So, last Saturday and Sunday was exciting, lots of fun, and stressful all at the same time! My mom, dad, and I all took a rider-skill training course to get our motorcycle endorsement for our motorcycle licences. Until Saturday I had only been on one motorcycle and that was last September when I rode with my uncle in Texas. I was super excited to take the class but scared to death that I was going to drop the bike or something. The motorcycle that the class provided me with to learn on was a small Honda Rebel 250 (basically a step up from a dirt bike), if you were to actually ride this bike on the rode you would probably get ran over! Below is a picture of the bike I learned how to drive last weekend.

Being as tall as I am my knees were up to my chest! But hey, it was a motorcycle! It capped out at 80ish, so try that on the interstate!

We spent the first part of Saturday morning in the class room learning about all the switches, gauges, and proper riding attire. It was good to know before getting on the bikes, but I was anxious to ride! After lunch, I got my chance! When we first sat down on the bikes to start them up for the first time I was excited but also scared to death! I have a healthy respect for motorcycles and didn't want to be the first one to make a fool out of myself by dropping (even though it was small it still weighed about 400lbs) it or running into someone. They talked us through turning it on all the way to actually riding it across the parking lot within an hour. I was amazed, and proud! We rode for about four hours preforming exercises and maneuvers. Around 4:30 we were done for the day, and boy was I grateful! My butt was getting sore from four hours of riding.

Sunday was even more stressful than the day before! Not only did we have to remember everything from the previous day, but we also had to take a written test and a driving test! For those of you that know me, you know how well I usually do on test! Again we spent the first part of the morning in the class room and taking the written exam, which by the way I passed with flying colors. By 10:30 am we were back on the bikes for a few hours of exercises and riding before lunch. By lunch time I was a nervous wreck---knowing that my performance exam was looming over head.

After we returned from lunch we spent the next four hours riding on the bikes, learning how to roll, press, look, and turn, avoiding objects in the road, running over boards, swerving in and out of cones, learning how to slam on the breaks to avoid an object (without flipping over the handlebars), and keeping our head up (which is imperative to riding a motorcycle). By 4:30 or so it was test time...dum, dum, dum! There were 12 people in my class and believe it or not I was the last one in line to take my exam! It gave me time to watch everyone else go through there test, but it also allowed for me to let my nerves get the best of me. The test consisted of various maneuvers that we had preformed through out the last two days. Most of them were easy, but some....a little more tricky. I watched as one by one everyone aced there test, including my mom and dad. Side note: EVERYONE cheered for my mom after every passed exercise, it was great! All I could think of was..."If my mom passes and I fail, I am never going to live it down". After about 20 grueling minutes of watching everyone else go through the exercises I was on my way through each obstacle (with everyone--who had passed---watching). One-by-one I achieved every part of the test placed in front of me and I was standing with the victors!

EVERYONE in my class passed! That should tell you something about the instructors! By the end of day two (keeping in mind that I had never driven a motorcycle) I was riding without even thinking about what I was doing! Below is a picture of my endorsement.

Now all I have to do is go to the drivers licences office, give it to them, and BAM! I can legally drive a motorcycle on the road. Not saying that I would without a little more practice but I am well on my way to being a motorcycle owning, riding, mama! Look out guys, here I come! For all of you that want to ride, check out this website: http://www.bikertraining.net/. I can't imagine any better teachers! I look forward to seeing you out there!

A letter from Ella

Hey, here is a sweet little note that I found from Ella today. Thought I would share with you.

Dear Mommy,

I really enjoyed our time together at the dog park last week. I can’t believe that we finally had the chance to go! Can we pleeeeeease go again soon?!?!?!? I had so much fun running and playing with you and all the other dogs that I met. I made a lot of new friends! I think my sister Sophie even had a great time in the little dog pen. Oh, and sooooo many cuddles. I don’t think I have ever gotten so much attention! So many people told me that I am beautiful! I know you tell me all the time, but it is nice to hear it from someone else too. I ran, and ran, and ran! I probably made ten laps around the park, but then I had to stop for some water and lay down (because I am just a little chubby). Anyway, this is just my thank you letter for taking me out! Oh, and here is a picture of me at the park! Hope you like it! I love you so much, thanks for all the snuggles and pets.

Love always,

Your pup Ella

A letter to me...

This is my letter to myself. I wish I had it when I was 15.

Don’t worry so much. I know that it is hard right now, but life now is not how it is going to be forever. Your family is more important than your friends, and they will love you regardless. High school is important, soak it up---you will need it later for college. Learn to love yourself; it will set the pace for your self-worth for the rest of your life. All the bad things that have happened to you will only prove how strong you are in the future. Life is not all about partying; learn to spend time with you. It is okay to be alone. You are going to meet some amazing people in the future, people that will change your life immensely. Your best friend is waiting on you. You will meet her in three years. Your high school teacher is more than just your teacher, she is your friend. Learn to play your own music; it will come in handy for those nights that you feel alone. Spend time learning who God is and who you are in him. Your Dad is going to be fine. He will get a kidney transplant in three years, and will live a long healthy life. Your mom is going to pull through the brain surgery with ease. She will be fine. Learn to be a friend to your brother, he will need you. Your sister is a beautiful person, get to know her. Just wait until your sister’s kids get a little older, they will be a blast! Never stop moving your pen; it will save your life. You can make it in this life. Never give up on yourself. It is not important to have the best things in life, but it is important to love unconditionally. The guys that you are dating now are not the one, don’t waste your time. When you give a piece of your heart away, that is less to offer your future partner. Put your heart into everything you do. Softball is fun, but you won’t be the best forever. Prepare yourself to see the world; there is something out there that you need to be a part of. Your mom and dad will always be your biggest fans. Just wait, you mom will also be one of your best friends. You are going to be a social worker, and change lives. God has great plans for your life, and you will realize it in time. Don’t lose sleep over things that you cannot change. You don’t have to hurt yourself when you feel overwhelmed, take it to God first. Believe it or not, you are going to graduate from college—the first in your family. You will make it through this life, and you will be successful. God has His hand on you, and your heart is big enough to love big. Take advantage of that quality. Shine while you have the chance to shine. You are compassionate, sometimes too much so. Don’t let people use you. Always be willing to be a friend to anyone who needs one. You never know who may need you. Your story is important, learn to share it. Love yourself as much as you love others. Life is a rollercoaster ride, take advantage everything it has to offer.

Always,

Me

A sick day with Levi.

A few days ago my sister called me (around 6:30 a.m., who the heck is up at that hour?) to ask if I would hang out with Levi (my 8 year old nephew) because she had to work and he was sick. Feeling sorry for him and not wanting him to have to ride in the car with his mom all day I answered her by saying, "Sure, no problem! He will probably be out all day anyways".

Now one thing that you must know about Levi is that he is one of a kind. He is lovable, smart, witty, and so cute that anyone would give in to him. However, he is also hyper, acts like a crazy kid, likes to take his time doing everything, and is all questions 24/7. The mix of these things makes for a wonderfully special (like I said) one of a kind kid.

So, my sister brought him over early--with a puke bucket and some medicine. He acted kinda unusual for about half an hour, but by 8:00ish he was full force Levi. Chasing the cats, sneaking up on the dog, and zoned in on cartoon network. I slept on the couch hoping that he wouldn't try to up-chuck on my floor.

By about 11:00 p.m. he was hungry, and stated that he NEEDED sonic. Now, he had been fine up until this point, but I was skeptical about him eating a hamburger. But like I said, he is so cute that anyone would give in to him. So, I caved and took him to sonic. We got ready, grabbed the puke bucket and made our way to sonic. In the car he danced around in the seat, demanded that the music be turned up louder, and sang at the top of his lungs the songs he knew. Once we arrived at Sonic I asked, "Levi, what would you like", and expected a simple answer.

Levi: A hamburger with nothing on it but ketchup, and a cherry slush.

Eashie (that is what he calls me): Ha, no way on the cherry slush. I don't want projectile cherry slush all over my car. How about sprite?

Levi: But look at me, I am feeling all better! Besides cherries are a fruit, they are good for you.

Eashie: What? (I laugh to myself) I said sprite, or nothing.

Levi: FINE! But how is sprite gonna help me grow?

Eashie: Excuse me, Can I have a ham....

Levi: WAIT!!!!!! I changed my mind. I want a medium popcorn chicken.

Eashie: Ugh! Okay, can I have a med....

Levi: Oh, WAIT!!!!!! I think I want a....

Eashie: A medium popcorn chicken and a sprite, please! Sorry, buddy, it's already ordered.

Levi: Ummm....UGH! Okay.

Finally, we leave sonic and he chows down on his chicken. Once we get back home he is back to his chasing the animals and bouncing off the walls. Which he continued right up until the moment that his mom came to pick him up. It was amazing! Even with all the bouncing, chasing, harassing, and freaking out he did he was able to keep down that popcorn chicken without a problem. When he left I said, "Back to school tomorrow". He just smile and trotted out the door. I think maybe I was duped.

The above picture is our attempt at taking a serious picture.